FUCKFUCKFUCK

I'm so pissed at myself right now.

It's tough to watch $25,000 go down the drain. I think I had a good shot at it. For one, there's not a whole lot of people applying in the state. And two, my track record with Blogumentary and now Minnesota Stories is pretty good, and it shows I'm on an innovative and somewhat cohesive career path. Anyway, I'll let it go obviously and try next year. So why didn't I get this thing done? Because I'm so freaking busy!

I think a lot of people don't realize I have two jobs. My day job, the paying job, at Clockwork. Which is pretty awesome. Then I go home and work at my other job, the non-paying one, Minnesota Stories. It's not as demanding as Rocketboom or even Chasing Windmills. I go out and shoot stuff a couple of times a week. Then I'm usually up until 4am editing, compressing, writing, and uploading the next day's video. Even if I'm lucky enough to have someone else's video to post, I can sometimes spend hours converting the video into the right format. Anyway, I don't mean to whine -- but this thing is a lot of work. It's the life of an internet start-up, a new media labor of love. And love requires sacrifice.

I remember having lunch at the Walker Art Center with the woman who runs mnartists.org, and she said to me, "You're an arts organization." Wow. That really struck me. I do see Minnesota Stories that way, now. The question is - does this organization make money? Is it a 501-3(c) non-profit with a mission and a board of directors? Right now I'm trying to get advertising, and there is some promise there. At the same time, we live in a state that heavily supports the arts through grants, and if MN Stories was a non-profit it could really be successful and sustainable. I need to spend more time talking to leaders in the community who can advise me on what path to take.

Well, my laptop is about out of battery power, so that's all for now. I just needed to vent.

HOLY SHIT, I DELETED MY BLOG.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!

My help ticket:

Subject: Oh dear god just shoot me now: I DELETED MY BLOG

I pray before you, at the Altar of Trott and Dash.

I meant to delete a blog I wasn't using ('MOM') and accidentally deleted Chuck's Blogumentary. I hit cancel right away and thought all was well, because it was still there for a minute, and then poof. That Which Cannot Be Undone.

Or can it?

Oh god. I'm never drinking and blogging again.

Of course, I had to make a dumb little video of myself being bummed out.

Chuck Deleted His Blog, Dammit (Quicktime, 6.5 MB)

I had such a lovely freewheeling post, too. How Rex got linked by Whitney, aka Miss USA Today Hottie, and what a fun time I had tonite at this cool new tiki bar, and my man Steve took me for a spin in his British racing-stripe green Mini Cooper and bought me my new fave drink: the rusty nail. And, how my friend Suzanne gave me her demo CD, just her singin' and playin' ukelele. All sugar and salt, sweet and sad in one spoonful. And how I've been meaning to apologize to Shannon Campbell for dissing Your Own Dot Org. I didn't give her or the song a chance, and now I love it.