When I was in high school and middle school, I knew first hand how cruel and stupid people can be. I was teased mercilessly for no apparent reason, except perhaps I wasn't rich and my parents weren't powerful like many of the kids in my school. I was constantly harrassed and even molested by the "popular" boys, sometimes even at the behest of "popular" girls.
It was a running joke for boys to ask me out. My nickname was "Barbie Doll" out of spite. I nearly commited suicide one night in high school after I thought I'd had enough and was simply not worth the life I had.
Luckily I wasn't able to go through with slashing my wrist with a scissors in my darkened bedroom. What an incredible waste that would have been. I realized at some point that I did not want to be part of the world that produced such mean spirited people. I realized that if they thought I was a freak because I read books and painted and wrote poetry, then a freak I would be, and proud of it.
I was a different species, I had actual empathy for others and would never make anyone feel like they had made me feel.
But I forgot.
In college as I learned more about history and human civilization, and the barbarity that seems inherent in neanderthal types throughout time, I withdrew further into studying art and working to create beauty in the world instead of ugly hate. I was exposed to the ultimate in inhumanity - torture, through the writing of Rigoberta Menchu and the film Closetland. These were horrors reserved for nightmares, but which some have had to survive in waking life. (And must survive still.)
I looked into the face of this spectre of the worst distortion of humanity, and realised that, yes. It was real, it did exist, as much as I wanted to believe that all people were basically good, some were not. Some were fundamentally not.
But I forgot.
And now in my adult life, I have moved away from my more radical ideals of my formative years. I have made myself more plain, unassuming, and quiet. I have blended in. No longer wanting to be the readily labeled freak girl, I didn't want the hassle. I just wanted to go about my business and only show my true colors to those who would appreciate them.
But then I forgot.
I started to think I was "normal", or rather that everyone else was like me. I wanted so much to believe that cruelty and ignorance don't willingly reside in the human heart, that I put on rosy blinders and stumbled on. I witnessed hate and anger daily in the world around me. On the bus people fighting; crazy people ranting and swearing, I got headphones.
After 9/11 I watched news obsessively for a week or so, and when I couldn't bear to see the towers fall one more time, when it actually began to register as a kind of fight or flight kind of paranoid fear, I watched cartoons. I watched nothing but the Cartoon Network for weeks.
I wanted to forget.
Then the war in Iraq, and I woke up again. Went to war protests, read online voraciously, tried to make people see how wrong it was, how much the wrong war it was, how wrong war is.
And in the online circles I traveled in, it was. I found hundreds of others that felt like I did, we spoke out. We tried to educate people tried to show them the truth. Tried to scream at them the truth.
Look, look you have been lied to! They don't care one lick about you, or your children, or this planet. They would poison you, send your children off to their wargames to get massacred, they would massacre children. They have divided us, and made you hate your own children for who they love. They have thrust themselves into our bedrooms and our very wombs, and yet you can't see them. They have tortured children. They have tortured children and made their parents to watch. Need there be more to say than that?
But I forgot.
Election day 2004, was again my sickening wake up call.
Now I remember. Yes, people are willfully ingnorant. Yes, people are cruel. Yes, people are brainwashed and stupid.
How many pets are abused and killed each year? Burned alive? How many women are beaten? Raped? Killed? How many children are molested, raped, killed? How many murders are there? How many hate crimes?
How many racial/sexual epithets are uttered? How many women are devalued? How many children are homeless? How many homeless are ignored? Scorned? Left for dead?
How many blind eyes are there in this nation? How many empty hearts? How many selfish souls? How much cruelty and ignorance can we absorb and still remain one nation?
How much hate can we take from the airwaves, or the television? How much more can we buy before our soul dies on us? How much life can we drain out of our culture before it is dead?
How much more imperial can we become before we cease to be America?
What is the true American Neocon wetdream?
For the sake of the world I hope we do not find out.
I could go on asking these endless questions, but I will simply say this:
I am awake now, and I will never forget.
November 16, 2004 | Permalink
TrackBack URL for this entry:
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference I forgot.:
I will NEVER FORGET "Mama Margaret" I know you are in Heaven born to Eternal Life
By Dr. Jack Shepard, founder of People for Peace Group
under construction soon (Photo) tribute to "Mama Margaret" & her work
Like Margaret's Family our hearts are broken, we have like Margaret's family
kept on hoping and we still prayer for her but like her family we have to
accept that Margaret has probably gone and at last her suffering has ended.
As I like to call her "Mama Margaret" worked for the past 30 years in Iraq, she worked tirelessly for the Iraqi people.
I; Dr. Jack Shepard, founder for People for Peace Group today to would
official like that our group also help the Iraqi people in an way we can. In
the name of Mrs. Margaret Hassan.
Today I dedicated the People for Peace Group to honor Mrs. Margate Hassan.
I hope we can keep her memory alive by continuing her whole life's work
helping the poor and vulnerable, helping those who had no one else.
"Mama Margaret" I know you are in heaven born to eternal life, judged by
your deeds on earth; I always myself thought of you as a true Angel of God's Mercy. You were indeed a true instrument of the Lord's peace, you sowed love, while you were healing the injured and despaired.
Where every you went where there was darkness you brought faith, hope and
light while you were consoling the injured.
We pray to keep your memory alive and in any way possible to not let the
world forget the sacrifices you made to help others.
As of today our People for Peace Group will be dedicated to you "Mama
Margaret" so the World never forgets you and all you gave for peace.
Dr. Jack Shepard, founder of People for Peace Group
Please visit our web site dedicated to the Mrs. Margaret Hassan
[url]https://www.shepardusgov.com[/url] under construction soon be a partial (Photo) tribute to "Mama Margaret" and her work
> From 18/11/04-26/11/04 People for Peace Group is calling for a week of
> prayer this and next weekend, in the memory of Mrs. Margaret Hassan below
> is our prayer; if you could post on ANAS, so as many as possible other
> places of worship join us, in our honoring Mrs. Hassan.
> Thank you very much, she deserves the highest tribute an individual could
> possible have and we at People for Peace Group will work to guarantee that
> her work and dedication; of the world's "Mama Margaret", a true Angel of
> God's Mercy is not forgotten, and we hope we can stimulate others to follow
> in her foot steps.
By Dr. Jack Shepard, founder of People for Peace Group
Posted by: Dr. Jack Shepard at Nov 18, 2004 10:44:35 AM
Ok Jack, I'm sorry but this is the end of the road for you. I'm not going to let you use my comments for your own defacto blog/bulletin board any longer.
I let you keep a couple of them for now, and I didn't erase the ones for the prayer vigil until the vigil was over, because I wanted her to be released safely too, but enough is enough.
Posted by: Lorika at Nov 18, 2004 1:52:43 PM
And with that, Dr. Jack's copious slabs of comment spam came to an end.
Posted by: Chuck at Nov 18, 2004 6:23:21 PM
Posted by: Jonathan at Nov 22, 2004 12:46:16 PM
Continue “Mama Margaret's” EXAMPLE join us
If you think we do not need a mighty Peace Movement all across the world. If you think that what I do this for over 30 years (bring medicine to Baghdad's Children Hospital in March 24, 2001 (www.shepardusgov.com), or as an American doing volunteer working in Palestine Refugees camps before it was too dangerous for an American or a British person ( like poor Margaret) to travel in the Middle East is for myself I am sorry for your way of thinking.
Who "beside the Pope here in Rome" in this world is working and calling people to pray to ask that God Blesses us with World Peace.
Pontifical Council for Justice and Peace join in those prayers. November 05, 2004 8:34 AM
Original Message -----
From: "giustizia e pace"
To: Dear Mr. Shepard;
> Your messages from 20 October arrived in the Office as His Eminence
> Cardinal Martino was engaged in the Plenary meetings of this Pontifical as
> well as the World Congress of Ecclesial Organizations Working for Justice
> and Peace. The Congress concluded last Saturday afternoon. From there,
> the Cardinal attended other meetings outside the city and has only today
> returned to the office.
> He asked me to forward his best wishes for your work and also asked me to
> assure you and all those who are praying and hoping for peace in the
> Middle East, especially in Iraq, that all of the members and staff of the
> Pontifical Council for Justice and Peace join in those prayers.
> Sincerely yours,
> The Secretariat of the Pontifical Council for Justice and Peace
Dr. Jack Shepard is just my name; who cares about me; what is important the message that I am trying to spread, are you happy in the direction that the world is going.
Look at www.shepardusgov.com click on my Papal Blessing and you can read the words of Jesus; if you have anything against God, Jesus and Peace then do not post my messages.
Pope JOHN PAUL II Dr. JACK SHEPARD
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
ARE THE BASIS OF THE LAW AND ARE TREASURED AS WORDS OF LIFE*.
JESUS TAUGHT THAT THE CHIEF COMMANDMENTS WERE NOT ONLY TO LOVE GOD BUT ALSO TO LOVE ONE'S NEIGHBOR AND LOVE IS THE BASIS OF ALL OBEDIENCE TO GOD'S COMMANDS.
PUNISHMENT IS NOT, HOWEVER, GOD'S LAST WORD.
GOD DOES NOT WANT HIS PEOPLE TO PERISH UTTERLY; A "REMNANT" WILL BE ALLOWED TO SURVIVE. THERE IS IN THE PROPHETIC MIND NO PERSPECTIVE TO DISTINGUISH GOD'S IMMINENT PUNITIVE INTERVENTION FROM HIS REMOTE AND FINAL JUDGMENT; HENCE THE "REMNANT" IS AT ONE AND THE SAME TIME THOSE WHO SURVIVE THE IMMEDIATE PERIL AND THOSE WHO ARE TO WIN FINAL SALVATION. THE COURSE OF CURRENT HISTORY WILL MAKE THAT DISTINCTLY CLEAR.
IF WE SURVIVE AS A SACRED EARTH?
WE ARE DIVINELY ASSURED OF A GREAT FUTURE. IN OUR AGE WE CAN HAVE SUCH HAPPINESS THAT THE WORLD HAS NEVER KNOWN.
WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF GOD; WE ARE ALL AT THE HEART OF THE PROPHETIC HEART OF PROPHETIC HOPE FOR PEACE AND JOY.
OUR ONLY CHANCE FOR PEACE AND SURVIVAL IS BY A RENEWED COMMITMENT TO THE REALIZATION OF THE KINGSHIP OF GOD. FOR THIS, THE ESSENTIALS OF HOPE IMPLY A PROFOUND NEW SPIRITUAL OUTLOOK OF VIRTUE AND HOLINESS WHICH ENTAILS A NEW MODE OF LIFE.
WE MUST ASK FOR DIVINE FORGIVENESS BY BEGINNING TO LEARN THE TRUE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD. BY LEARNING THE TRUE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD; THEN AND ONLY THEN CAN WE BEGIN TO ENJOY PEACE AND HAPPINESS.
MORALITY IS BASED ON THE LAW ENUNCIATED BY GOD BUT NOW IS OFTEN BROKEN. IF ANYONE IS TO ESCAPE PUNISHMENT FOR THEIR SINS THEY MUST SEEK GOD. THE MORAL CONDUCT OF THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAT THE RITUAL PRACTICE.
GOD ASKS FOR A RELIGION OF THE HEART; THIS IS TO BE THE CONDITION OF THE CONVENT THAT IS TO COME. PRESENTLY SIN INFECTS ENTIRE NATIONS, CORRUPTING THEM AND IT SEEMS BEYOND HOPE AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME.
TODAY WICKEDNESS IS RIFE AND INVITES THE VENGEANCE OF GOD ON ALMOST ALL. MUCH OF THE SIN TODAY IS NATIONAL AND COLLECTIVE SO MAY BE GOD'S PUNISHMENT.
EVEN SO WE CAN HOPE AND RENEW OUR PRAYERS FOR INDIVIDUAL PUNISHMENT BY DEEPENING AND LEARNING TO APPRECIATE WHAT GOD DEMANDS. THAT THE CHIEF COMMANDMENTS ARE NOT ONLY TO LOVE GOD BUT ALSO TO LOVE ONE'S NEIGHBOR AND LOVE IS THE BASIS OF ALL OBEDIENCE TO GOD'S COMMANDS.
WE MUST WORK TO CHANGE OUR PRESENT PATTERN OF NATIONAL AND COLLECTIVE WICKEDNESS OR WE WILL INVITE THE VENGEANCE OF GOD.
GOD ASKS FOR RELIGION OF THE HEART
THIS IS A CONDITION OF THE COVENANT THAT IS TO COME IF WE WISH PEACE NOW. WE MUST BEGIN TO LIVE BY THIS SPIRIT AND LET GODS SPIRIT INTO OUR HEART. WE MUST CHANGE OUR PRESENT MORAL PRACTICES OF HOSTILITY BETWEEN NATIONS OR WE SURELY WILL PERISH!
THE COURSE OF HISTORY ITSELF MAKES THIS DISTINCTION VERY CLEAR. ONLY IN SHARING OUR MATERIAL PROSPERITY AND POWER CAN WE HOPE THAT IN THIS AGE THERE WILL BE SUCH HAPPINESS THAT THE WORLD HAS NEVER KNOWN.
AT THIS TIME OUR IMMEDIATE PERIL COULD EASILY HAVE NO SURVIVORS. OUR ONLY CHANCE FOR SURVIVAL IS THE COLLAPSE OF PRETENSIONS TO POLITICAL DOMINATION.
DR. JACK SHEPARD
PLEASE VISIT RELATED LINKS:
SHEPERDS OF CHRIST MINISTRIES
I am who I am, and I do what I do for my fellow man.
You think reminding the world of Jesus' teachings and calling people to prayer is not worth posting it is your web site.
All I can do is try to spread Jesus' teachings of LOVE and correct the ISLAMIC extremists that presently these edicts and fatwa are not in the Koran and are not accepted by Mohammad. I presently trying to reeducate these extremists that is if they are suicide bombers and blow themselves up killing 4 and wounding 10 American Soldiers that they will go to not go to heaven but they will dwell in the fires of Hell forever if you do not like that or me spreading Jesus' Words or trying to save the lives of our American Soldiers then do not post anything.
The things you have read in the newspaper about me is just like reading the cover of a book, once you read the book then you understand my story.
When a person works for a covert organization he only can continue to work for such an organization if he remains convert.
I may retire in time to have my name cleared and may be your first Republican US Congressman from the 4th District in now 6 decades. I
My return to Minnesota in 2006 is very important for the reelection of Senator Norm Coleman 2008 who is really doing an excellent job; but if Minnesota remains 51% Democratic and 47 % Republican; Senator Coleman will not get reelected.
If you wish not to publish that we should continue " Mama Margaret's" example and join our prayers to awaken a mighty Peace Movement all across the world it is your call.
email your phone number at(firstname.lastname@example.org) I would be happy to better explain myself better.
You forget my Military Active Duty ID with my Social Security number which is has an expiration date of indefinite is real, according to the Secretary of State and the Minnesota Supreme Court.look at it again on www.shepardusgov.com; it is the property of the United States Government like me; and it has been in my wallet for 34 years now. What your military record?
Message: Continue "Mama Margaret's” example; join our Prayers to awaken a mighty Peace Movement all across the world.
by Dr. Jack Shepard, founder of People for Peace Group
Like Margaret's Family our hearts are broken, like Margaret's family kept on hoping and we still prayer for her but like her family we have to accept that Margaret has probably gone and at last her suffering has ended.
As I like to call her "Mama Margaret" worked for the past 30 years in Iraq, she worked tirelessly for the Iraqi people.
I; Dr. Jack Shepard, founder for People for Peace Group today to would official like that our group also help the Iraqi people in an way we can. In the name of Mrs. Margaret Hassan.
Today I dedicated the People for Peace Group to honor Mrs. Margate Hassan. I hope we can keep her memory alive by continuing her whole life's work helping the poor and vulnerable, helping those who had no one else.
"Mama Margaret" I know you are in Heaven born to Eternal Life, judged by your Deeds on Earth; I always myself thought of you as a true Angel of God's Mercy.
You were indeed a true instrument of the Lord's peace, you sowed love, while you were healing the injured and despaired.
Where every you went where there was darkness you brought faith, hope and light while you were consoling the injured.
We pray to keep your memory alive and in any way possible to not let the world forget the sacrifices you made to help others.
Today People for Peace Group is dedicated to "Mama Margaret" so the World never forgets you and your work.
This week we are praying for "Mama Margaret" next week we are going to work to pray that the
" Lord, please awaken a mighty peace movement all across the world."
That is our goal! These words of David, one of our members are exactly my and the People for Peace Groups goal, and we can do it!
We just have to spread the word that we are praying to awaken a mighty peace movement all across the world. Please send ideas and contact all your friends and friends of friends to awaken a mighty peace movement we need a massive increase of membership so we can spread our words of peace will reach more people in more countries.
So be a doer like “Mama Margaret” as another of our members Nuraini called her.
Join our People for Peace Group and become a doer.
Click on the join https://www.care2.com/c2c/group/People_for_Peace_Group
Also visit our new ( under construction) People for Peace Web Site: www.shepardusgov.com
Dr. Jack Shepard; founder of People for Peace Group
Posted by: Dr. Jack Shepard at Nov 23, 2004 6:36:12 AM
Oh please make Dr. Jack go away!
Posted by: spacewaitress at Nov 23, 2004 7:04:51 AM
Ok Jack, I'm just going to say for now, I don't think what you are saying is wrong, or that peace is bad (of course not!) or that prayer is or trying to re-educate potential suicide bombers, but what I'm saying is, this is MY blog, and my message -some of which resonates with yours, but most doesn't.
I do not agree with a Republican, or Christian agenda, therefore I will not let my blog be a pulpit for your preaching. Capiche?
I will say again, start your own blog. You already have a website, why do you need to post comments here and act like I'm silencing your message if I erase them?
Posted by: Lorika at Nov 23, 2004 1:06:21 PM
Lorika, I'm just coming to the same realization myself (about your original post that is.... not ;) comment spam). We live in a cruel, hate-filled world - and we have for such a long, long time it's mind-boggling. Someday it's got to end, someday. In the mean time, I completely empathize with you.
Posted by: theyeti at Nov 23, 2004 6:56:16 PM
Lorika's original post resonated with me as well, as a topic that's been on my mind a lot lately. When I was younger I was more at peace with my outrage. I readily accepted, and tried to actively change, the world around me that is such a mess. But at some point I became overwhelmed and just sort of shut down. And after I became a mother I wanted to believe that people, in general, weren't *that* bad, for my son's sake. But I was wrong. Many people are cruel and willfully ignorant creatures, brainwashed and stupid. And I don't see that changing any time soon.
As for Dr. Jack, that man needs to learn a few lessons in netiquette.
Posted by: sharyn at Nov 24, 2004 12:51:01 PM
"How many women are beaten? Raped? Killed? How many children are molested, raped, killed? How many murders are there? How many hate crimes?"
Many fewer than ten years ago, as a matter of fact.
"How many racial/sexual epithets are uttered?"
Not aware of a count, but then the First Amendment is a pretty broad thing.
"How many blind eyes are there in this nation? How many empty hearts? How many selfish souls? How much cruelty and ignorance can we absorb and still remain one nation?"
How many self-adoring, self-absorbed people who think that their beliefs are the only valid ones? How many people who detest those who believe differently? How many bigots?
"How much hate can we take from the airwaves, or the television? How much more can we buy before our soul dies on us? How much life can we drain out of our culture before it is dead?"
The irony of this statement is intentional, right? Please say yes.
"What is the true American Neocon wetdream?"
"For the sake of the world I hope we do not find out."
With people like you in charge, the enslaved certainly never will.
"I could go on asking these endless questions, but I will simply say this:
I am awake now, and I will never forget."
We'll notify the media.
Seriously - NOW you're fucking awake? Jebus. Welcome to the fucking party.
Posted by: Guichenne at Nov 25, 2004 4:01:17 AM
Guichenne, why don't you go find something useful to do, hey?
P.S. Your idea of "liberty" is a fucking joke. Happy Thanksgiving.
Posted by: Jonathan at Nov 25, 2004 9:58:47 AM
"The irony of this statement is intentional, right? Please say yes."
The irony of your whole comment just kills me, and I know it's not intentional. That's the sad part.
Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving jag-off!
Posted by: Lorika at Nov 25, 2004 10:24:15 AM
Jonathan - No kidding. Although you have no idea what my "idea of liberty" is. That'd make you the fucking joke.
Lorika - You are truly a master of the riposte.
Bunch of late-twentysomething posers with grossly-inflated senses of the sheer drama of your own lives. You have a point, J-dog. I have better things to do.
Posted by: Guichenne at Nov 25, 2004 7:42:10 PM
...posing as what? Why did you come here in the first place? Why should anyone care what you think? Go start your own blog, please; I can promise you I won't come around to insult you.
Good luck on all of your future positive endeavors. No doubt the world will be much improved by your hands.
Posted by: Jonathan at Nov 25, 2004 9:22:40 PM
I wasn't aware I needed an invitation to come to this public blog.
I'm a Democrat. And my fellow Democrats embarass and scare me.
I have my own blog, thanks for the suggestion.
Posted by: Guichenne at Nov 26, 2004 1:00:37 AM
If you do have your own blog and/or real email address why don't you own up to your comments and attach them?
Also, if I'm a "poser" what pray tell am I posing as?
As for being a Democrat, are you a Coleman Democrat? No self respecting Democrat would so easily spout off the Neocon mantra of "liberty" at the end of a machine gun.
Posted by: Lorika at Nov 26, 2004 3:02:47 PM
"Poser" has to be to most flaccid, meaningless insult the kids have ever come up with. I don't think I've heard it lobbed so genuinely since the early 90's, often used in conjunction with "sellout." By the way, we're not in our late 20's.
You call yourself a Democrat, yet you defend the neocon wet dream as "liberty"? All the while shooting insults from behind your fake email and non-existent blog? And you're calling us posers? Please.
Your first comment started out almost interesting. Some facts that seemed to indicate you have a more hopeful view of the direction of our society. But you quickly devolved into anonynmous debasement instead of trying to have a conversation. If you can't even make half an attempt to talk to people with views different than yours without resorting to ridicule, well, you should be embarassed.
Stop wasting your time and ours, ridiculous troll.
Posted by: Chuck at Nov 26, 2004 3:17:00 PM
I'm going to let most of the gratuitous insults roll off me; I'm sorry to say I expected no better from *most* of you.
As to the so-called "Neo-con wet dream" of the liberation of Iraq - plenty of good Democrats view the liberation of Iraq as a good thing; we think liberty for all those teeming masses of third-world people is a good thing. My grandparents survived Majdanek (I'm betting not a quarter of you have an idea what I"m talking about), so I'm not inclined to think of freeing 25 million people as a bad thing, much less ascribe it to a meaningless token like "neocon wet dreams".
And with that, I'm done.
Posted by: Guichenne at Nov 27, 2004 1:51:33 PM
Posted by: Lorika at Dec 30, 2004 4:15:37 PM